


Nights of the Old Republic

by Niki



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Action/Adventure, Amnesia, Bad Puns, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Families of Choice, First Time, Fluff and Angst, In-game Dialogue, POV Alternating, Romance, Sorry Mission, Walkthrough Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/pseuds/Niki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shin Cidon can't remember more than a year of her life, and suddenly she's in charge of saving the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Endar Spire

**Author's Note:**

> The eternity project which I've been working on since 2007 and will totally finish one day. 
> 
> Some dialogue and events from the game have been rearranged or reworded for the purposes of storytelling. (Also, because it has come up in the comments, this isn't even meant to follow the 'ideal' play-through.)
> 
> Slight re-writes from the fanfiction.net version. (I will also continue posting there.)
> 
> The name is a silly working title (which I totally blame my brother for) which then stuck.

She woke up to her bed shaking. 

She was in a standard bunk, crew quarters... space ship? Explosions. She shook her head, and memory returned: disorientation upon waking was her new normal. She was aboard the Republic ship Endar Spire, and someone was attacking them.

She was on her feet and looking for her clothes when a man rushed in. Him she couldn't recall.

"I'm Trask Ulgo," he explained at her questioning stare. "We are actually roommates but work opposite shifts. Guess you've never seen me. Anyway, as you might have noticed, we're under attack. Sith ambush. We need to get to the Bridge!"

"Just let me grab my gear."

It wasn't much, a standard issue blaster and a spare medpac – never leave home without it. Oh yeah, some security spikes. Old habits die hard, even on the Republic payroll.

"Why did you come to me?" she asked while tying the gun holster to her thigh. 

Trask looked back from the door where he was punching in the necessary codes to get out of the room. "I'm just a tech," he said, grinning. "Can't do much to protect the VIPs on my own, but I read your file a while back and knew you'd get yourself out of this ship. Figured you'd get me out too."

"Fair enough," she answered with a grin of her own and followed him out of the door. Opportunism she knew how to deal with. 

"The first priority is to–Ah!" his sentence was cut short by Sith troops.

Her blaster skills left some room for improvement but these drones she could take care of. It wasn't like she could sneak by them with Trask to babysit, anyway. 

"Damn! Everyone's dead," Trask mumbled as they'd made their way to the bridge. They looked at each other, and their personal communicators buzzed to life.

"This is Carth Onasi. Bastila got off the ship, that's the important thing. Head to the escape pods, everyone."

"Good!" Trask at least seemed happy but she would not feel she'd accomplished anything unless she got him to safety as well.

"You know Commander Onasi? He's the best damn pilot the Republic has. I'm glad he's still alive."

Trask had the layout of the ship memorised, and was leading them towards the pods relatively unbothered when suddenly their way was blocked by a figure in a black hood. Damn! A dark jedi – she knew she was no match for him but was determined to hold him long enough for Trask to get to safety – but before she could move he acted on the same impulse.

Clutching a vibroblade he hardly knew how to use, Trask lunged at the dark figure.

"Go!" he was yelling. "You have a better chance of getting out than me!"

"Trask!" she found herself shouting at a locked door. "Damn," she muttered, knowing that the young man was probably dead already. No point in wasting his sacrifice.

Well, at least she could make use of her sneaking skills now. She switched on the stealth mode on her belt and tiptoed round the corner, past some soldiers... A-ha! A computer terminal. She didn't have the access codes but one spike was enough to give her access to the security cameras. She swore under her breath when she found out the net room was filled with soldier. The two in this room she could handle but a whole squad? No way to sneak past them and no other way to her destination. Think, woman, think... What's in the room? Well, well, well... an abandoned assault droid slumped in the corner.

The soldiers in the room still noticed nothing when she sneaked by them again to get to the other end and surveyed the droid. Her repair skills weren't _that_ great but she'd been tinkering on droids before and knew she'd be able to achieve the simple task of re-activating the droid and its weapons systems...

Gotcha! The droid happily shot the two soldiers in the room and when the Sith in the next room spilled in at the gunshots, advanced to take care of them too.

Her communicator buzzed again, "Well done! I was just about to inform you about the crowd next door but you seem to have it under control."

She grinned, listening to the sounds of blaster fire and screaming. 

"I love that droid! I want to take him with me."

"Sorry, I'm afraid we're out of room. Hurry."

"See you soon, sir," she finished, absent-mindedly wondering why he wasn't using his rank in his communiques.

She grinned again, hurrying past the dead Sith cluttering the floor, and picking up a spare medpac or two that were lying next to their previous owners who hadn't had the chance to use them.

Beyond the next door were the escape pods... pod... oh dear. The man standing in front of them followed her eyes and grinned. 

"Yeah, sister, I'm afraid that's the only one left. That's why I had to wait for you – we need to share."

"Others?"

"You're the last one alive."

She spared a quick thought to Trask Ulgo while raking her gaze over this tall, masculine form encased in orange and black, and thanking the stars for her own considerably smaller body.

"We should fit," she merely said before crawling in.

As he followed, she met the sparkling brown eyes from mere centimetres from her face.

"Hi! I'm Shin Cidon," she grinned, wrapping her arms around him.

"Carth Onasi," he answered and pressed the launch button. "I hate these things," she heard him mutter against her hair before losing consciousness due to the pressure.


	2. Mysterious Stranger

Two days and no visible injuries but the woman was still unconscious. Carth had been intrigued by the fact his companion was the mysterious ex-smuggler the Jedi delegation had specifically requested for the journey. Who was she anyway?

He had woken up from their rather inelegant landing to find her still wrapped around him and still unconscious. Blood had covered her face from a hidden wound somewhere on her scalp. Seeing no other pods around them he had had to concentrate on getting her to safety.

Luckily they had crashed on the 'right' side of the planet, and a few credits got them an abandoned apartment in a run-down building aliens used as a shelter in this xenophobic city, well-hidden among the rest of the castaways.

Carth did the the best he could with what he had, not daring to leave the unconscious woman alone for longer than necessary. He cleaned her wounds the best he could and used their emergency medpacs on her, ignoring his own smaller injuries. Even the head wound seemed to heal up nicely - yet she was still unconscious.

He left only for long enough to secure some food, they'd worry about the rest when she came to. He did consider the possibility she never would, and wondered when he should move on without her. He didn't like leaving anyone behind but in concentrating on her he was ignoring everyone else who might need help after the crash.

The second night her condition changed. She appeared to be sleeping instead of being unconscious. At least, she seemed to be dreaming. She was restless, too, and sounded like she was in pain.

Carth had taken to sleeping next to her on the narrow bed, just in case. Not to mention the fact that the place had about enough materials to make one of the three beds habitable. They also had no way of heating the room, and the first night, when she kept shivering despite all the blankets, Carth had simply wrapped himself around her and warmed her with his body heat.

He gathered her into his arms again now, and tried to soothe her by contact and soft whispers. So like when he'd calmed Dustil after a nightmare... For a second he allowed himself to remember his son, then pushed the memory away forcefully, and concentrated on making a wounded fellow-soldier feel better.

\- - -

He was already up but close by when she finally woke up. Straight from her dream, eyes open and scanning the place. When they reached him, the gaze held no recognition.

'Guess I'm not unforgettable,' he grinned inside his head but kept his face neutral as he approached her and spoke aloud: "How are you feeling?"

She just looked at him, unblinking.

"I'm Carth, one of the Republic soldiers from the Endar Spire. I was with you in the escape pod, remember?"

Expression returned to her dark eyes and she sat up a little shakily.

"Yeah, I remember, Carth Onasi. Commander."

"Call me Carth."

"Shin," she said, then, looking down on herself, grinned. "I suppose a guy who's undressed me and put me to bed is entitled to call me by my first name."

He wasn't a blushing type but somehow the memory of the nights spent holding her made him feel uncomfortable, and he was glad when she changed the subject by asking about her condition, gingerly touching her head.

"You were unconscious for two days. I was starting to wonder whether I should risk finding a doctor when your condition changed to sleep."

"I remember... some sort of a dream, almost like a vision."

"Well, you hit your head quite severely, who knows..."

"Where are we?"

Carth explained what he knew about Taris in general and the building in particular, all the while keeping an eye on her movements, looking for signs of faintness as she got up, stretched and reached for the clothes he had folded next to the bed.

"I had to wash them the old-fashioned way so I couldn't get rid of all the blood. You hungry?" he asked, to distract her from the state of her clothing.

"Starving," she smiled.

"Good. Then you might be able to get down the food we have."

They discussed their situation over breakfast.

"So... we need credits, supplies, and leads."

"Yes. Finding Bastila must be our first priority but we also need to eat."

"Well, let's go explore our opportunities."

"You sure you're up to it?"

"I feel surprisingly fine. Thank you, Doctor Carth."

"You sure? You seemed quite disoriented when you first woke up."

Her face turned grim. "That, unfortunately, is something I have to live with."

He shot a curious glance at her but recognised the 'no trespassing' look on her face.

"Here," he said instead. "I cleaned up your blaster. It seems to work all right."

"Thanks."

They exited their safe haven, and decided to have quick look around the building.

"Tell me about yourself, Carth," Shin asked, after a while.

"Me? I'm just your ordinary star-pilot."

"Really? My roommate at the Spire called you one of the Republic's best pilots."

"Well, I've seen my share of wars... and I suppose I've gathered a sort of an reputation along the way."

"Uh-huh. Hey, what's going on in here?"

A raid, as it turned out. The Sith decided they were Republic fugitives, and they had to shoot their way out. Carth noted that his companion could more than hold her own in combat.

The alien the Sith had originally been harassing spoke to Shin, who appeared to understand him.

"He'll take care of the corpses for us," she explained to Carth.

Her linguistic abilities dazed Carth over the following hours. She seemed to speak an amazing amount of alien languages and understand even more. More, she was polite and patient with everyone they came in contact with, and he was happy to let her do all the talking. She was obviously better suited for that than the simple soldier he knew himself to be.

Her skill was almost enough to make him suspicious if it had not been for the fact that her defining feature seemed to be that way she'd go out of her way to _help_ everyone she could, from a scared woman who had angered a thug enough to set a bounty on her head to an old Ithorian who was bullied by some human children.

She used their last medpac, the one he'd been saving, to heal the said Ithorian's wounds. When the old man walked away she turned her concerned eyes on him: "I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind – I just... I couldn't watch him walk away in pain."

"You are an amazing woman, Shin Cidon. But I can't help wishing you'd except some reward every now and then – we could use the credits." He grinned to let her know he wasn't actually being serious about it. Her generosity also calmed his fears over her suitability for the mission.

He couldn't help feeling a lingering doubt at the back of his mind, though. A raw recruit, requested by the Jedi to join the mission... and she's the one that survives? He'd been betrayed once too often to let his guard down fully, even if he let himself respond to her teasing and flirting.

"Ready to tell me more about yourself? Where are you from, for example?" she was asking with a smile.

"Can't we just concentrate on the task at hand? I'm not used to talking about myself or my past very much. At all, actually."

She just looked at him and he sighed.

"My home planet was the first one to fall before the Sith. I..."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I understand you don't want to talk about it."

Why did she have to sound so damn sincere? He felt like such a worm to be harbouring doubts about her when all she did was try to be friendly, and find a way to save Bastila, who was so important to the Republic war effort.

"Come on, we need more information. Let's head to the cantina!"

\- - -

"Great. It seems we need to get to the Lower city. And we need Sith permission to do so!"

"Well, I know just the person to help us out," Shin grinned and nodded towards a very obviously drunk Sith soldier.

"Shin..."

"Don't worry. Just... stay out of this, okay?" she flashed him a wicked smile before engaging the Sith in conversation.

Carth felt he really shouldn't be surprised that the man was taken in. If she could persuade a man to withdraw a bounty he'd placed just by talking to them... He was startled out of his musings by the returning Shin.

She was beaming. "We've been invited to a party. Well, really my _breasts_ have been but I take it the invitation included the rest of me too, despite the fact he was talking to my cleavage. Well, anyway. Poor, hard-working soldiers will go there straight from work, some even in their uniforms..."

"...and if they're like any soldiers, they'll drink themselves unconscious after a hard shift," Carth finished for her, grinning. "Good plan."

"Thanks. Now, about those credits... There's that sweet old guy willing to sell me his Pazaak deck or then there's the Arena. I'm an average player and an average fighter, guess we'll try both and see where we get."

\- - -

"Average," Carth repeated at least a dozen times as they made their way back to the apartment.

Shin shrugged, and smiled slightly. "What, you think Duncan was hard to beat?"

"Well, maybe not, 'Mysterious Stranger', but Ice definitely was!"

Shin decided to address his tone when repeating her 'stage name' instead of the point in the sentence.

"I'm not comfortable with the name either, but I have to agree with your reasoning. They _could_ know my name."

They had returned to their 'shelter' to eat after the Hutt had managed to somehow arrange crowds for three different Arena fights within hours – true, he didn't put much effort to the first ones, explaining that it was hard to get the audience exited over Deadeye Duncan's matches these days.  
So Shin had defeated three out of the five Arena fighters, they had hundreds of credits... and still time before the party.

"Need some rest?"

"No, this was enough, thanks. We should go on with our exploration."

\- - -

More xenophobic Tarisians, more Sith soldiers that made Carth feel uncomfortable – it was hard to tell from Shin's expression what she thought – and a clinic.

He insisted she'd allow Doctor Zelka Forn to give her a check up. It was about time she was generous with her credits to benefit herself. Much to their surprise the man did not charge them for his work, and the spare medpacs they bought from him were ridiculously cheap. Carth saw Shin give the doc more credits than he'd asked for and approved of it heartily. The man would put them to good use, helping the poor.

Again her talking skills paid off, and Zelka ended up revealing that he was sheltering some Republic refugees. They were dying but at least they were dying free and without pain. Carth wasn't sure whether to be glad or not that Bastila wasn't among them. At least she could still be alive but if she wasn't here... That just drove home the fact they needed to get to the Lower levels, fast.

Zelka warned them of the rakghoul disease when they discussed the Undercity. It didn't take a genius to read the determination in Shin's eyes when she heard of the cure the Sith were keeping to themselves. She would get that antidote to Zelka if humanly possible.

When Zelka's assistant cornered them on the way out and suggested selling the antidote to the highest bidder Carth couldn't contain his disbelief when Shin didn't turn down the offer immediately. She sighed at him after they'd left.

"It's called sneakiness, Mr Goody-Two-Boots. You let the scumbags believe you might also be a scumbag so that you get more info out of them."

"Oh." He felt stupid. "See, this is why you do the talking," he muttered in the end.

She grinned at him. "Okay. We either have time for one more fight in the Arena, or then we could go get ready for the party."

"You want time to dress up? Do we need to buy a mirror to the apartment?"

"They'll be too drunk to notice by the time we get there – I could be a Twi'lek dancer or a bantha - they won't know the difference. I hope. I'm not the dress up type."

"So, cantina it is then."

"Buy you a drink, commander," she said with yet another grin.

\- - -

"That was... a novel tactic."

"Shut up," Shin got out from behind clenched teeth as she limped towards their temporary home.

"No, no, I admire it," Carth said, really meaning it despite the fact he couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice. "Shoot and run is a risky way to go about it, though."

"I knew I had no hope in hell against his vibroblade in close quarters. But man, could he run for an old guy!"

They reached their apartment and Carth motioned her to take off her jacket so that he could attend to the wounds on her side she'd gotten when she hadn't been fast enough.

"I liked the Twi'lek girl," she said out nowhere, maybe to distract herself from the pain.

"A Twi'lek and a Wookiee, who'd've thought."

"This place makes strange partnerships," she smiled, trying to catch his eyes to share the joke but he lowered his gaze at the word 'partnership'.

"What's wrong?" she frowned, and all the doubts and fears he'd been going over in his head came out, a little more forcefully than he'd intended.

He could see he had hurt her with his veiled accusations but... but whatever she seemed like he could not silence the little nagging voice inside him that whispered that she was just a little too good to be true, a smuggler-turned-Republic-soldier-for-no-apparent-reason, specifically requested for the mission, a little too good in the Battle Ring, a little too persuasive... He was taken in, just like everyone else. Soon he'd be spilling his secrets to her, just like everyone else. But he had learned the hard way not to trust _anyone_...

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying – in vain – to keep the locks from falling back to his forehead.

"Look, I... I should probably apologise. You haven't done anything to deserve this – yet. It's nothing personal. I just... won't trust anyone. Not you, not Bastila, not even myself. And if you're smart, you do the same thing."

She just looked at him with those dark eyes of hers, face totally blank.

"I'm... not good at this apologising thing. But... I'm not good at that trusting thing either. I'm not saying I think you're a Sith spy or anything. But... Oh hell, I'm not ready to call you a partner either," he finished savagely.

"We still have a job to do," she said, turning her back on him, and he felt inexplicably like he'd slapped her.

After all, she'd done nothing to earn his distrust... except by being too good to be true.

"I... yeah. Can we... Truce?" he offered with a hopeful smile, and when she turned to face him again he made shameless use of what Morgana had called his 'puppy dog eyes'. Shin visibly melted, and even smiled a little in response.

"Truce."

\- - -

They were once more in sync when they got back from the party. And high. High on endorphins, the whole 'we-were-at-a-Sith-party!', stress and exhilaration combined to the few drinks they had been forced to consume, and the rush of mission accomplished.

She was giggling when he voiced the last thought. "Mission," she repeated.

"Who names their children that anyway," he wondered, chuckling, when he caught on.

"Twi'leks," she laughed louder now. He joined in, knowing they were just relieving the stress of the past hours.

"Let's get some sleep before trying out our new shiny armours," he suggested, then turned serious when realising this was the first time sleeping arrangements were discussed since she'd regained consciousness. It had been a long day.

She was obviously thinking about the same thing because, looking around the room with the three beds of which only one showed signs of use, she raised her eyebrow. "Just where have you been sleeping?"

"First of all, I didn't dare to sleep much, not knowing how your condition would develop," he started, painfully aware of how defensive he sounded. "And when I did... Look, it was cold, and I had no other way of keeping you warm."

His tone left no room for misinterpretation but again she just looked at him, accepting everything. She smiled slightly, taking in the lack of proper bedding materials.

"Well, I don't suppose it's the first time for either one of us to share in the field. Get in."

She undid her boots and took off her jacket and pants, then did some feminine wriggling that allowed her to remove her bra without taking off the black sleeveless undershirt she was wearing. Then, in her top and panties, she got in the bed and curled up facing the wall.

After a second's hesitation Carth followed her lead, stripped down to his Republic issue underwear, and lay down, back against hers. She mover a fraction closer, to better share the warmth.

"I never thanked you for saving my life, did I? Or for looking after me those first days."

"No need to thank me. I've never left a soldier behind, and I'm not about to start now."

"Well, I value my life even if you don't, so... thank you."

"I... I'm glad you're here. So... you're welcome."

"Good night, Carth Onasi."

"Good night, Shin Cidon."

But sleep was long in coming, even when her breath evened out. He couldn't stop thinking about her words. He _did_ value her life, all life. Except, maybe, the Sith. And... she was handy to have around, her skills were undeniable. So he did... appreciate her.

But that wasn't what kept him awake. It was different now, somehow, to share a bed. The previous nights she had been a patient, an unknown body, now... Now he was painfully aware of her shapely behind pressed against his – her warmth reminding him of things better forgotten – and when she turned in her sleep, spooning him, the feel of her breasts against his back was almost too much.

He closed his eyes but saw nothing but her petite form in his mind. She was a head shorter than him, so slender it was amazing all that strength fitted in her body. Surprisingly well-endowed for her skinny form, too. 

During the day she wore her dark hair in a simple ponytail but had let it loose for bed, much as he had that first night, fearing the knot would press her wounds. It framed her high cheekbones and brow, face so finely shaped it felt ridiculous she should have to fight. She was so beautiful it should really be enough to go by in the world. When she smiled it was no surprise everyone wanted to do as she asked. The few times she had laughed out loud...

Her spirit awoke things in him that had been buried for years. He _wanted_ to trust her, to tell her... to share his secrets, just like everyone else.

Finally, his exhaustion caught up with him and he slept.

Felt like only a moment later he was awoken by Shin trashing around. He had also turned in his sleep and was holding her in his arms. Without another thought he gathered her even closer, holding her when the trashing turned to shaking, when her whimpers turned to tears.

He had had his share of nightmares but this seemed to be on another level entirely. Normal nightmares didn't make one thrash around, after all.

She woke up with a start, met his gaze, and again her eyes lacked any sign of recognition. A panicky look was entering them, and Carth moved to let go.

"It's okay, Shin, everything's going to be okay."

"Sorry," she muttered, closing her eyes and holding on to him so that he couldn't move away.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"But you didn't even recognise me!"

"I... I was in an accident a year or so ago. My brain was damaged. I lost... lost some memories, and I still wake up confused. Every single morning."

"That... that must be tough." Carth felt the lame inadequacy of the words and tried to compensate by pulling her closer. After a moment he asked: "What does 'some memories' mean?"

"My past."


	3. Interlude: The First Night

"My past." Easy to say but hard to comprehend. When her ship had crashed she had been surprisingly unharmed but for the gash in her head.

The clues in the wreckage had given her a name and a destination, her cargo a profession, the lack of personal notes an image of a woman with no ties, no family and no close friends. She'd been picking her life together ever since. Her likes, her dislikes. Her philosophy.

She sometimes felt like a stranger in this body she had woken up in, but one thing gave her comfort, one thing she was sure of – she couldn't _not_ help people. That was the one thing that came naturally, so that's what she did. That's also how she ended up with the Republic.

All this she tried to explain to the man holding her. For some reason she wanted him to understand, even though she usually never told anyone about how damaged she was. Was it because the warmth in his eyes made her wish for more?

Carth had hurt her with his paranoia, but she sort of understood where he was coming from. Something so bad had obviously happened to him that he rather not let anyone close in the fear of being hurt again.

She could understand that all too well.

\- - -

Carth opened his eyes to meet her gaze, determined to meet her honesty with his own.

"I told you my home world was the first to fall... I... I had a family on Telos. A wife, a son..."He couldn't force more words through the block in his throat, but saw the understanding and horror in her eyes, and knew it didn't really take more than that to convey the pain and guilt he felt.

Thinking about them always led to thinking about Saul but he didn't want to, not now. He knew he was shaking, if only a little, and it was Shin's turn to hold him.

"Thank you for trusting me with this," she whispered, and he couldn't look away from her sincere gaze.

It was easy to kiss her, so easy to use that to hide both their pain. The first touch awoke a hunger in him, hunger she seemed to share since she was responding to the kiss with equal need. Two strangers who were not quite strangers, bound by a common goal and shared pain... so easy to forget, for a moment, in each other's bodies.

It was no slow exploration nor frantic coupling – something in between, something completely natural. So natural, in fact, that he didn't really think about it until they were both naked, and he was entering her and she winced.

"I'm sorry..."

"No, it's... just been a while, I suppose."

From her lopsided smile he realised both that she couldn't _remember_ her last time and that she was considering it a non-issue. He smiled in return, "Yeah, me too." 'Not since my wife,' his mind clarified but the thought, and the memory, were soon chased away by the soft sounds she was making.

He took it slow, and careful, and was so concentrated on looking at her, the play of emotion and sensation on her face – so beautiful in abandon – that only her release reminded him of his own need, and he came to the sound and sight of her pleasure – and only as he was coming inside her did he think of the reality of it. Too late to do anything about it then, but his panic must have shown on his face afterwards because she kissed him tenderly. "Don't worry."

In this, he trusted her, and drifted off to sleep, naked body still entwined with hers.

\- - -

It could have been awkward to wake up the second time but it wasn't. They didn't talk about it but both seemed to view it as... as mutual healing, dealing with the pain and the loneliness – a reaction to the circumstances – whatever it was, however they explained it to themselves, it was removed from the rest of their lives, or their mission.

They were bantering, just as they had the previous day, while donning their uniforms, and if Carth's grin was a bit brighter, and Shin's smile a little warmer, they did not remark on it.


	4. We'll Always Have Taris

The glow was soon gone in the lower parts of Taris. Squalor, pain, desperation, and a gang war that admitted no outsiders but made everyone a target.

And a cantina.

"You going to take those bounties?" Carth asked her when they were exiting the bar after collecting all the intel they could from the gossip.

"Davik's? No, I don't kill innocent people for money, nor do I do gangster lord's dirty work for them. The government bounties again... They are people whose deaths would save lives. And we need the credits. So if we happen to run into them – I won't think twice about taking them down."

Killing felt so abstract to Shin. She knew she had killed before, and especially here on the lower levels it was a matter of their lives or the Vulkars', but she was happy to stay behind and provide covering fire while Carth took the more active role. She knew some of those bodies were dead because of her, and she didn't really know how that made her feel.

She wasn't a soldier. Her ways were sneakier. She'd generally much rather sneak past a man than take him down, but it was so easy... so easy to go in guns blazing and shoot your way through...

She'd kept an eye on Carth's blaster skills: he used two of them, and she could see no difference in his gun control in his different hands. It intrigued her. His primary weapon was a customised blaster that had obviously been in his possession for years but in his so-called off-hand he had a standard blaster, much like her own... that is, until they found something better.

They shamelessly looted all the corpses they encountered (some freshly killed by themselves, some older) because in their situation it did not pay to be squeamish. Most of the weaponry was worse than theirs but the fifth Vulkar they killed had something interesting.

"Hey, Carth, look at this."

He took the blaster, tested it for balance, and shot a practice round.

"Not bad. Here, put this old one in the backpack then, we can try selling it later."

Shin looked at another ion blaster next to a body, pondering, then picked it up and tested its weight on her right hand. Satisfied, she transferred it to her left hand, and took out her own weapon. She turned to look at Carth, holding them both. "Teach me."

He looked at her, the blasters, and around them in the empty corridor.

"Okay... Well, basically, you can't shoot two targets even if you have two guns. You just can't aim them at different directions, so what you are doing, is shooting the same target with two guns. This means you need to keep them somewhat on level..." He moved to hold Shin's hands up, and showed her how to position them. "...and close enough to be able to see where you are pointing them. See, like this. If you keep them wider apart, you're not sure to hit the target. And it's easier to aim when they're on level."

He lifted a helmet off the floor, and placed it ten meters away. Then reconsidered and brought it closer.

"How do I aim? How do you do that?" she asked, when he hit their practice target with both beams.

"Practice. You get the feel of the weapons after you get used to this. It's different from single-handed combat."

"I'll say."

"Yeah. You can't really aim as you would if you only had one blaster. So you guess. And you improvise. And you go with approximations and estimations."

He looked at her practice rounds.

"Not bad for a beginner. Remember, a humanoid is a bigger target, so it will be even easier. If they're stationary, that is. But you can't really go for the head shots. Aim for the largest target area, the chest. If they have an active shield and you only have one ion blaster or a disruptor, don't waste energy on shooting your regular blaster, go for one good shot with one weapon, then when the shield is down, you can shoot with both. And if you're unsure in a battle whether you're hitting something or not, don't hesitate to ditch the other weapon and concentrate on your better hand until you're sure. Okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of this. Gives me brand new respect for your skills, though."

"Oh, I'm a talented guy, sister," he grinned, then turned his head, flustered. Obviously, it didn't _quite_ feel the same to be flirting with her now.

"I know." She smirked.

"I have to ask," he said, hesitantly. "You told me not to worry."

She tapped her left thigh wordlessly as a sign of permanently attached contraceptive implant.

"Ah."

"And I figured you're clean since you passed the boarding medical for the Spire."

Maybe it was lucky that another Black Vulkar decided to attack them behind a corner just that second, because the mood was getting more awkward by the minute.

Shin wasted precious moments fumbling with her blasters but once she got them out and on level it was surprisingly easy to aim them at the large figure running closer. Because he was running straight at them he made a good target, and Shin actually noticed Carth lowering his weapons after realising they were in no real danger.

He had been right, a humanoid was a much easier target.

"Right. Let's move on."

\- - -

They did 'run into' one of the government bounties, and made short work of her. They ended up collecting one of Davik's bounties too – after helping the man fake his own death to escape the Exchange.

It seemed that even here Shin was able to get people to trust her, to help them... she even talked their way into the Hidden Bek base the young Twi'lek girl with her improbable name had told them about the day before. It was where they got their first palpable lead: Bastila was a prisoner of the Vulkars, to be handed out as a prize in a swoop race.

Shin met Carth's eyes and they shared a silent joke. He had told her about the haughty Jedi, her impressive skills – especially the Battle meditation – and to think of her as a Prize in a race... She sobered up soon enough, and worked on getting the gang boss's trust.

In the end they struck a deal. Quid pro quo – one returned prototype for a sponsorship in the upcoming race, their one realistic chance of rescuing Bastila.

She didn't think twice.

\- - -

"Have you actually ever raced a swoop bike?" Carth enquired politely after they had left the base minus their Sith uniforms but with a written permission in their stead after another quid pro quo exchange with the Beks.

"I don't think so. I wouldn't know, would I?" she replied carelessly, shooting a grin at him.

"Shin..."

"What? It's the best option we've got. Besides, we need to worry about finding Mission and getting into the Vulkar base first. Who knows, we might run into Bastila there."

"The day just keeps getting better and better..."


	5. Saving the Planet, One Person at a Time

"Hey, what's the time? I had that match with Twitch scheduled."

"If you insist on going through with that we should probably head back up now."

"I couldn't possibly _not_ show up, think about what it would do to my reputation!"

Carth shot a quick glance at her just to see the mischievous grin. No, he hadn't thought she was being serious but still...

"You're impossible."

"Why thank you, the compliments just rain down on me today!"

"No, no, those Beks called you 'insane' not 'incredible'."

"Shucks. So, what do we know about Twitch?" Her voice was business-like again.

"Very likely insane. Fast. Uses two blasters."

"So will I, then. Just in case he has a shield... I can use the ion blaster to get rid of that then finish him with the other one. I don't think I'm quite confident enough to be using two at the same time yet."

Carth had to laugh. "You use the actual life-or-death fight situation to practice much rather than a fake fight with no threat of death?"

"Yeah," she said as if the distinction was clear. "Here I have you to watch my back, and I bet the Vulkars aren't as... focused as our Rodian friend."

"Point. And of course, the rewards are bigger," he said, grinning, to show her he wasn't really blaming her for... what? Being a glory-hunter?

"If those credits help us buy a way off this planet one day..."

"How do you think we'll arrange that?"

"We'll worry about that when we have Bastila, for now..." She looked at the cantina entrance, and then met his eyes."Wish me luck."

\- - - 

Damn, but the Rodian was fast! Shin didn't want to show Carth how close it had really been so she played it cool, collecting her credits from the Hutt, and the grudging congratulations from the other Arena fighters. Oddly enough, Twitch seemed to be the only sincere one in his praise. He didn't seem at all bitter like the others.

By the door a man in full battle armour spoke to her. So this was Bendak Starkiller, the man who prided himself for killing people for sport. Well. Not much she could do.

\- - -

"Are you _insane_?" Carth bellowed as soon as they stepped out of the cantina after setting up a match with the Hutt.

"Quite possibly."

"He'll butcher you!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she tried to joke but it fell flat because her voice was shaking.

"Shin..."

"I know! I know, but I have to try. He's killed so many! I suppose it's quite twisted to set up a death match to take someone down for fighting in death matches but... I have to take him out."

"Why is it that you have to single-handedly try to right every wrong on this damn planet, help every single person in need..."

"Not single-handedly," she said, offering him a smile, and he replied with a groan.

"No way, sister. I'm in this to find Bastila, and to get out of this planet to help the _Republic_ – it takes too damn long to do it one person at a time!"

But there was humour in his last words so Shin merely smiled, and led the way to the Clinic so that Zelka could take care of the injuries she had suffered during the match.

"Are you insane?" were the words the doctor threw at her as a greeting.

"Good day to you, too. What's up?"

"News travel fast on Taris. You can't seriously want to face Bendak Starkiller in a _death match_!"

"Wouldn't be my first idea of a good time, no."

"Be serious! I can't bring back the dead!"

"No, you can't bring back the hundreds of people he has killed. I just want to make sure he never kills again."

"By killing him in an illegal match? Nice going, hero."

"You know, I can just go inject some kolto into my system on my own, Doc."

"Right. I'll just patch you up to go and get yourself killed some other day. Brilliant. There, you're done. I sincerely hope you are not planning on doing anything too taxing for the rest of the day."

"Oh, just a relaxing stroll in the Undercity. Thanks, Doc, see you."

They left with his grumbling voice floating after them.

"Charming man, don't you think," she asked, grinning at Carth who merely shook his head.

"I'm not even going to say anything. Are you sure you're up to this now?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

\- - -

Even the Lower City hadn't really prepared them for the horror that was the Undercity of Taris. Not gangs but a _tribe_ where some were out for anything they could – just to survive – and the others worked together... to survive. The rakghouls, the lightless existence of an exile.

Here, too, Shin shined. Generous with her credits, food, medicine and time, she gained the trust of the villagers, and even the admiration of some. Carth couldn't help but wonder what the old man rambling about the Promised land saw in her that made him talk about her great destiny. 

There was ...something about her. She drew people to her, made them trust her... but it all seemed _effortless_ somehow. He just hoped that effortlessness also meant innocence – that she hadn't cultivated that quality to better manipulate people.

But it figured that it was to _her_ the Twi'lek girl ran for help, not him, not the villagers, not even the Hidden Beks. 

"Whoa, Mission, slow down. What happened?"

Even as the girl was explaining about how her companion was imprisoned Carth took a deep breath and resigned himself for the words he knew would come out of Shin's mouth next. He could mouth them along by now, 'Yes, of course we'll help you.' Not that he minded, really. He liked Mission for what he'd seen of her; he liked her courage, liked her cheek, and knew she wouldn't last long without her Wookiee companion. 

"Of course we'll help, Mission." 

"Thanks! I'll owe ya big!" She was grinning widely, as if the rescue was a done deal already.

"Well, we can collect right away, then." Shin grinned back. "Gadon said you could show us the way to the Black Vulkar base undetected."

"Of course! I'm your Twi'lek – as soon as we get Zaalbar back."

It was weird to travel with someone else at first. But after seeing her in action in a fight Carth had no doubts about the girl's ability to carry her weight.

Coming face-to-face with a rakghoul for the first time was a moment he felt he would never forget. He'd seen a lot, and fought all manner of creatures, but these... it was hard to imagine they had been humans once – and yet, somehow, impossible to forget, too.

"Hey, do you think I'd turn into a blue rakghoul?" Mission asked in the heat of the battle, and Carth had to fight the urge to turn to gape at her. 

"I hope we never find out," he said dryly after they had disposed of the last one.

They kept the banter up until they reached the escape pods. A survivor, a man whose face Carth could vaguely remember but whose name he'd never heard, turned into a monster in front of their eyes.

Either that or the bleak reality of the stripped bare pods made the mood much more sombre afterwards.

Shin was walking in front, keeping an eye out for more rakghouls, and Mission was trying to make conversation with Carth. He couldn't help but tell her what he really thought about Taris, and wasn't quite able to keep the patronising tone in check. He felt protective towards the girl, not even knowing why so fast or strong but he did, and made a remark about her relationship with the Wookiee. Mission, naturally, didn't react very well to the hint that she couldn't look after herself and... Carth admitted afterwards that he had been a bit rough but dammit, the girl was behaving like a brat. Okay, maybe he had come across a bit immature as well but...

But he hated to be made feel his age. Somehow, with Shin, he had felt like the young soldier he'd been – ages ago. But now Mission made him feel old again. Like a father. He hated that reminder of all that he'd lost. Maybe he was taking it out on Mission.

It didn't take many meters in silence for the young Twi'lek to apologise for her temper. That made Carth feel even worse, and he tried to compensate by showing the girl how much he really appreciated her, for what she had done and what she was doing now. 

Still, he couldn't help but get in a little joke in the end. He could hear Shin laugh quietly when Mission went off again.

"Kids are like that!? ...Oh, I get it, you got me. Ha-ha."

But she was smiling too, and the lighter mood helped them face the never-ending stream of monsters they met in that desolate plane.

\- - -

Among the corpses they stumbled into were a few Sith. Matter-of-factly they looted what they could, and found a blaster rifle to replace Mission's vibroblade – because Carth didn't want her close  
to the rakghouls if he could help it. He didn't want to go there himself, he didn't want Shin to get too close, but he most decidedly did not want the child... 

Not that he let her see any of this. He just calmly remarked that she might like the weapon. Meanwhile, Shin had made an even more staggering find. 

"What do you think, Carth?" she asked, raising the utility belt. In the pockets were small vials of different liquids. Kolto, common antidote for poisons... and a vial of green liquid.

"Well..." He tried to keep the hope down. The vial was half-full. "It would make sense that if they have it, they would carry it with them."

"We need to get this to Zelka as soon as possible." She shot a look at Mission. "But first we have to go save Zaalbar."

\- - - 

Had they thought rakghouls bad out in the open? In the sewers they seemed even worse. And the Gamorreans were little better than animals themselves. These beasts Shin had no trouble killing. Just the thought of what would happen to Zaalbar if he was left in their hands...

She could hear Carth and Mission bicker in the background. There was something... homey about that. As much as she had enjoyed her adventures with Carth, it was also nice to have the girl with them. She seemed to fit right in. 

Still, she couldn't help but snicker at the thought of her name every now and then. Mission had joined their mission – at least temporarily.

When they finally found the Wookiee he looked even wilder than he had before. It was obvious his stay had not been a walk in the park, yet the amount of his gratitude surprised Shin. It was Mission, after all, who had been instrumental in saving him – finding help, and finally picking the lock in his cell door – but it was to Shin he was pledging himself.

How she knew about the concept of a Wookiee life debt or understood his speech she did not know and was too busy to contemplate at the moment. All she knew was the immense honour she was being given. She wasn't sure afterwards what she had said but hoped it had conveyed her acceptance in reasonable words.

Judging by the glow in Mission's eyes, she had. Irreverent laugh threatened to get out again. So, Mission really had joined their mission – she wouldn't go anywhere else as long as her friend followed Shin. As he would, forever, because a Wookiee life debt could never be paid – no matter how many times he saved her life he would be bound to her for the rest of his own.

She looked at Carth smiling, and shrugged a little, wanting to share her joy and wonder about their growing group. He returned the smile with a tiny shake of his head, echoing her feelings.

\- - -

Carth could only shake his head. Naturally the Wookiee would take some kind of vow of loyalty to follow Shin. It's not like he minded him or Mission sticking around, but... but the way Shin was collecting fans seemed a bit... no. He would not start this in the sewers. 

"Come on, Zaalbar, food can wait. We need to show them a way to the Vulkar base," Mission was saying.

Zaalbar wailed something in return and Shin frowned. "What do you mean you will not go against a rancor with an empty stomach? What rancor?"

"Didn't I tell you about the rancor?" Mission was blinking innocently.

"Rancor or not, that will have to wait for a bit. I want to get this vial to Zelka. And I say we get some sleep before breaking into the Vulkar base. We could all do with some rest and food."

\- - -

After a brief discussion, Carth and Shin left Mission and Zaalbar in the Lower City to find something to eat for all of them and went to the clinic on their own. No reason to draw needless attention to themselves by breaking the xenophobic laws, no matter how little they liked them.

Shin handed the vial to the doctor wordlessly.

"Can it be...?"

After some tests the dark man was nearly weeping with joy. "You did it! This is a cure for the rakghoul disease. The Sith perfected it, and I can now synthesize endless amounts of it – here, you take the first patch."

"Thank you."

"You're thanking _me_? I wish I could show you how much this means... I don't have much credits, but I want you to take..."

"No, please. Use them to help the people. We must go back now."

"Back? Are you insane?" 

"There are infected people down there, Doc. And we might not be too late."

\- - -

They collected 'the kids', as Shin put it, and headed back to the village in the Undercity. 

They were too late. They could only look at the transformation of the infected villagers corralled on the side of the village. With heavy hearts they raised their blasters and defended themselves. By the time they were done Carth would swear they all had tears in their eyes. If they had needed a reminder of how dreadful the rakghoul disease was... how needless these deaths were... Had the Sith shared their knowledge... Well, he had not needed a reminder about the dreadfulness of the Sith.

Luckily, they found some survivors too: still human, cowering in a corner. Shin ran to them, without a thought to her safety, and injected them with the cure. Carth held his breath and positioned himself in front of Mission, just in case...

It worked. Dammit, it worked. Something good at least. 

They left the village healer with the news that Zelka Forn would be sending more of the healing liquid as soon as he got is synthesised, and headed back to the Upper levels and their temporary headquarters.

Back at the shelter, with only three beds, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to crawl into the same bed as Shin. She made it look so natural that Mission didn't even bat an eyelid before rolling her bedclothes on of the other beds and curling down to sleep. 

This time Carth fell asleep easily, the warmth of Shin's body fast becoming familiar, and even comforting by his side.


	6. All your base are belong to us

According to Mission, the best time for their excursion was the early morning. They were all quiet after too little sleep, dressing and eating, checking their weapons. No banter this morning, no jibes about Zaalbar's appetite, no tiny smiles shared by the humans.

It's not like a place like Taris would ever be empty or quiet but the streets still looked different before the sunrise: drunkards stumbling back home from the cantina, illegal aliens looking for food when fewer hostiles were about, even less Sith cluttering the streets.

They made their silent way through the Lower City to the elevator down. No sun, no real difference between night and day here... except... maybe Mission was right. Most people seemed to be sleeping.

"The vermin comes out at night," she said, shrugging, when questioned, "and sleeps during the day."

\- - -

The sewers were no more pleasant the second time but the sense of urgency was absent this time. After one false turn that led to a dead end and a few dead Gamorreans they reached the greatest obstacle: the rancor.

”Holy...” Shin couldn't ever remember seeing anything even remotely like it. Of course, with her, that wasn't saying much.

"No way are we fighting _that_ ," Carth decided.

"And no way are we sneaking by it either with its ass firmly in front of the door," Mission pointed out.

"So we need to be sneaky," Shin saidd, showing a datapad she'd discovered on a nearby corpse. Apparently someone had been able to synthesise a substance that attracted rancors and had outlined a plan to feed this specimen something 'unsuitable.' 

So, armed with what the datapad ingenuously called "synthesised odour" Shin went stealth and placed a couple of grenades coated with the stinky substance as a meal for the beast.

"Booom!" yelled Mission as the inevitable happened.

"Bit anticlimactic, in the end." Shin sighed.

"What, you wanted to fight that, you big hunter?" Carth teased, then pushed her towards the door the thing had guarded.

"Maybe," Shin said even though the size of the rancor up close was enough to make her feel glad they hadn't tried it that way.

\- - -

Well, they had _meant_ to sneak in. The first set of Vulkars they managed to silence using vibroblades (and Carth knocked one out with the butt of his blaster) but when sentry droids spotted them and started shooting Shin was sure the whole base would descent on them.

Except... they didn't. Apparently, one could blast away to one's heart's content and not attract undue attention. Sweet. 

"You think it's due to their work ethic or...?" Shin smiled at Carth.

"Incompetence, perhaps?" Mission suggested, grinning. 

"Let's not get cocky, ladies," Carth reminded, taking cover next to them as someone did indeed show up to check on the racket. Or happened to amble down the corridor, as might be more likely.

\- - -

Inevitably, they encountered some heavier resistance along the way, but in the end, emerged victorious, armed with 'loot, loot, and, yeah, the swoop accelerator' as Mission put it.

"I had half hoped we'd run into Bastila here," Carth admitted quietly to Shin as they were making their way towards the Hidden Bek base.

"You really don't like the idea of me racing, do you?" Shin asked, and Carth could have sworn there was concern in her voice despite the light tone.

Still, he tried to keep it less than serious. "On a prototype? In a vehicle you have never even tried? What gave you that idea?" 

"Funny, Flyboy. You want to ride in my place?"

"Wasn't offered to me, was it? No, they only want the great glorious Mysterious Stranger Shin Cidon for the job." Now, _that_ probably came out a bit meaner than he'd originally meant.

He should apologise. As he found it so damn hard, why did he always set himself up so that it was required?

"Sorry," he mumbled, after they had walked in silence for a while, and the guard on the entrance was getting closer by the moment. "Can I chalk that down to lack of sleep?" he asked with a small smile, looking at the woman from the corner of his eye.

She looked at him directly, and answered with a hesitant smile of her own, "this time."

Mission was rushing to meet the Bek guard she obviously knew to share their good news, and Zaalbar was, as ever, right next to her. Carth used the moment of privacy to stop and turn to face Shin, hand resting lightly on her arm. The touch wasn't only to make her stop with him, he also wanted to reconnect with her on some level, to recapture the closeness they'd shared when it had only been the two of them. 

He thought about making a joke, defusing the tension, going back to the light-hearted banter that passed as conversation between them but something in Shin's earnest – even vulnerable – gaze made him reconsider.

"If I thought I would be better at it, I would demand the right to take your place. For your safety, as well as Bastila's. But I don't." He shrugged, as if belittling his serious tone. "You'll ace it. Just like everything else you do. I... I believe in you."

The radiant smile he got as an answer made the painful confession worth it.


	7. There Will Be Blood

The Beks were sufficiently grateful for the returned prototype. They would spend the day assembling and testing the new swoop. Unfortunately the race was scheduled for the next day so Shin wouldn't have any time to practice. 

"Just as well, I have another sporting event today," she muttered, not really looking forward to the death match.

Seeing no reason to hang around the base, they refused the offered beds and decided instead to get a few hours of sleep in their hideout before Shin had to go face Bendak Starkiller.

Despite the short night, Shin did not actually feel like sleeping. Carth and Zaalbar had claimed not to need more sleep and had gone to get 'supplies.'

Shin and Mission had deduced this meant food, food, and food for Zaalbar, and same medpacs and stims for the ever-worrying human, to prepare for the death match.

To distract herself from worrying, Shin asked Mission about her life on Taris. She was amazed to hear the girl had a brother. Biting her lip, she hardly dared to ask for his name, recalling all the conversations she and Carth had had about _her_ name.

Griff? She couldn't wait to share this with Carth. She could hear it now, 'who names their children Mission and _Griff_?' 

Her laughter died, stillborn, when the story unravelled. That, that... green-skinned scumbag had left the girl here alone? And she defended him?

That was one bit of information she did _not_ look forward to sharing with Carth. He was getting quite protective of the young Twi'lek. As was she, truth to tell. Maybe she had had a younger sister, at some point in her life? At least Mission seemed to fill a vacancy she had not known to be open.

 

\- - - 

Carth and Zaalbar returned just in time to 'escort the ladies to the games' as the former put it. Despite the forced lightness of their words, it was a subdued group that made their way to the cantina, and not just due to exhaustion.

Mission and Zaalbar went in search of their courtesy ringside seats while Carth helped Shin prepare for the match. 

"You don't have to do this," he said for the tenth time.

"I know." Her eyes begged him to understand. "But I have a chance to stop him. Carth, he kills people for sport!"

He took in her determined gaze and closed his mouth. Silently, he checked the condition of her shields and armour. She _had_ bested the crazy Rodian champion. She should have no problems with the Death match. But... more was at stake here.

"Here, take this."

She stared at the blaster he was offering her. It was his personal weapon, the one he had had for years, lovingly upgraded and crafted. 

"But... if I lose you might not get it back!"

"Then you better not lose." He gave her a small smile. He knew it was the best weapon they had, and Shin needed all the help she could get. He wouldn't – couldn't – regret his impulsive offer.

"I..." She swallowed. "Thank you," she finally said, and all the levels in her voice made him uncomfortable.

"It's just a blaster," he said, shrugging, trying to belittle the meaning of the gesture.

"I'll take good care of it," she said, ignoring his evasion.

\- - -

"She did it!" Mission was jumping from joy, Zaalbar was growling, but all Carth heard was the mad thumping of his own heart. Wasn't nervous. Oh no.

The uninhibited Twi'lek girl was hugging Shin. Such a child at times, so mature the next moment. Carth grinned suddenly, remembering their argument. She was so uncomplicated. So direct in her affections and opinions. ...hugging Shin when he couldn't.

That's not how fellow soldiers congratulate each other. Especially not those of different rank (not that he had ever thought about that in relation to them), so he just let his grin grow wider. She smiled back, that rare, radiant version of her smile, while wiping sweat off her brow. She then offered him the blaster with a simple "thank you."

And from the gravity of her voice he realised she truly did understand the full value of his sacrifice.

\- - - 

Shin collected her credits from the Hutt but seemed disturbed. 

"I feel... bad, accepting credits for killing a man for sport," she explained.

"We could use them to get Mission a better armour," Carth offered tentatively, understanding her reluctance.

Shin turned to look at him with a grateful smile. "You're a genius, Commander! Nothing better at lifting a girl's spirit than shopping!"

"...then again, we could of course give the money to the poor." He grinned back, happy to have distracted her from dwelling on the kill. He had noticed she was a bit squeamish about that aspect of their profession. He himself had been a career soldier for too long to think twice about killing the enemy. 

Not that that was necessarily a good thing.

He shook his head to chase the mood away. It wouldn't do to start moping now that he'd stopped her from doing it, he thought self-deprecatingly. 

"Come on, let's go shopping, then, ladies!"

\- - -

"What are you going to do with Bendak's blaster, Shin?" Mission asked as they were heading for the Equipment Emporium. "You'd get good price for it from Kebla Yurt if you don't want to keep it as a trophy."

"I don't want to think of it as a trophy. But it seems to be a good weapon. Carth, you think you could use it?"

"Me? Don't you...? Ah. Right. Let me try."

Grateful for his understanding Shin offered him the blaster he then tested for balance. 

"Feels good. Have to test it in combat to be sure but..." He left it at that, which Shin appreciated, and they entered the shop.

Going through the stock, something caught Shin's attention and she was captivated. Her eyes rested on a beautiful slender weapon almost as tall as her – an Echani ritual brand, lethal-looking blades in both ends. 

"It's calling to me," she told Mission with a grin, and tested it for balance. It felt right.

"Wow," Mission said, looking at her handling the weapon she'd never even held before. "It looks like a part of you already. How much is it?"

"Not too much..." she replied, distractedly. The blade was moving too smoothly. It felt... natural. Another piece of her mysterious past: she had obviously trained in Echani techniques. 

"I can make do with this armour, Shinster, you need to get that thing! You deserve to get something nice for yourself, anyway. It was you who fought, not me."

Absorbed in her handling of the double-bladed sword Shin didn't even notice Carth's approach.

"You'd have to get close to your opponent with that one. And... it's a _blade_ , it won't be... it won't be clean. There will be blood." His voice was quiet, so that others wouldn't hear. 

Shin woke up from her trance-like state and blinked at Carth. "You... you're right. Thanks. I... I might not be able to handle it."

But she purchased the brand anyway, enchanted by the glimpse to her past. Carth did not call her on it. 

"Come on, let's head back to the Bek base. They should be done with their tests. And I should be getting ready to race."


	8. Fawning Jedi Brat

Shin spent the night at the Bek base but asked the others to return to the hideout, as they would not be allowed to attend the race anyway. Carth had agreed reluctantly, and even Mission had seemed miffed. But Shin had wanted no distractions. 

She spent the evening talking to Zaerdra, Gadon Thek's bodyguard. The Twi'lek woman filled her in on the situation between the swoop gangs, telling her that the Vulkar Brejik who held Bastila was once a Hidden Bek, and a protégé of Gadon Thek. When Gadon had been blinded he had expected to lead the gang, and, when refused, had left the gang to join their enemies.

"And yet the old fool refuses to give up hope. But I know that had Brejik been allowed to lead the Beks he would have turned out to be just the same here," Zaerdra finished.

Shin thought of the Vulkars she'd fought out in the corridors of the Lower City, and their willingness to attack civilians and gang members alike. And Brejik encouraged them? She silently agreed with Zaerdra.

"I tell you, if you ever run into him, give him one from me."

\- - -

She should have known that rescuing Bastila would not be as simple as just winning the race. That bit had been surprisingly easy, too.

Swoop racing had been exhilarating, the speed demanded total concentration and made Shin forget everything else. It was funny, from this she did not get a feeling she'd done it before but her reflexes were fast enough to make her, indeed, 'ace it' as Carth had predicted. 

She had won with a new track record, but Brejik and the Black Vulkars had refused to hand Bastila over as a prize, quoting the prototype accelerator as a reason. 

Bastila had chosen that moment to release herself, and a fight ensued. Shin had had time to note that the Jedi did not seem disoriented despite her trance or what ever it had been, and did handle herself very well against the Vulkars.

Shin hadn't wanted to kill Brejik because she had grown to respect Gadon Thek and knew he wouldn't have wished it, but the dark man left her with little choice. At least Zaerdra would be happy. 

Bastila was not what she'd expected, either. She seemed... volatile for a Jedi. A beautiful brunette, taller and younger than Shin, carrying herself with grace even in the weird corset-thing the Vulkars had dressed her in... and she resented the claim that she had needed rescuing.

It's not like Shin expected to be treated like a hero, or even necessarily to get a thank you, but some acknowledgement of the work she and Carth had put on saving her ass would have been appreciated from the arrogant young woman. While debating with her whether she had been rescued or not just for the hell of it, Shin tried to recover from the shock of recognising the woman from her dreams. She couldn't recall seeing her on board Endar Spire, so how could she have dreamt of her? 

Not that she was about to share that little problem with the Jedi any time soon. 

Oh, _now_ she was listening, at the mention of Carth's name. What was up with that? 'Of course it's all right if _Carth_ thinks I'm good,' she fumed. Because _Carth_ is so fantastic and... 'Carth is one of the Republic's best soldiers.' Fawning Jedi-brat. Why did the girl annoy her so? Did she feel threatened by her? Mission and Zaalbar hadn't really threatened the status quo but this young human who knew Carth before her might... 

'Please, take me to Carth right away,' she repeated in her head mockingly while leading the Jedi to their HQ. 'Carth wouldn't have sent you here if he wasn't confident in your... abilities.' You bet, sister, he likes my 'abilities' all right.

Wait. Was she _jealous_? Did she fear the other woman would offer _competition_? 

Nah. She just rubbed her the wrong way, that's all. It's not like she had exclusive rights on the pilot or something. 

\- - -

Bastila's tone changed about Carth, too, as soon as they reached the apartment. No more 'He's proved himself a hero a dozen times over' but 'you forget who's in charge.' 

Carth stayed surprisingly calm when informing the Jedi what he thought of her leadership abilities. And, to Shin's amazement, the woman actually apologised (albeit grudgingly) and asked for his advice. 

Maybe they could work with her, after all. She even found it possible to discuss her dreams with her now. In any case, she did have the Jedi training, she should understand dreams and visions.

The discussion was different from what she would have expected. Now Bastila was actually willing to acknowledge her part in _locating_ her (still not a word of 'rescue' though) and evading capture. And she seemed to think more about the dreams than she let on.

Shin had learned not to fret about these things. She took that, and Bastila's vague hints at her Force abilities, and put them on queue to wait for their escape from Taris, when something could possibly be done about them, or at least she'd have time to think about them. 

They still had more pressing things to worry about.

Like putting Bastila to her place. Despite her suddenly found manners, the girl Jedi could obviously not act like a leader. Carth was over a decade older and way more experienced in the field. Still, Bastila was the head of the mission on paper. And technically, both were Shin's superiors. Still... Shin had felt in charge before Bastila came along, and she was damned if she wouldn't go on about things just the way she damn well pleased. 

Maybe it was her smuggling days, she mused, but she did not react well to someone trying to establish authority over her. She did things her way, and as that seemed to work, she saw no reason to change it.

\- - -

Funny, they ended up doing things her way. Somehow it seemed to be up to her to decide who was to do what next. She wanted to start working on that escaping Taris bit now that Bastila was safe. So they'd need to go out to gather information. 

She didn't question her decision to have Carth along – she liked his company, unwavering morality, and shooting skills. And if she had found herself to go out of her way to help people even more than usually, just to see the appreciation in his eyes, then... well, just one more subject to add on the queue for later.

Bastila she had to take or she would no doubt whine. But it would attract too much attention to travel all together, so she send Mission and Zaalbar to check on the Beks and stock on Zelka's 'reasonably priced' products. 

They had walked for a couple of blocks when Carth shot her a conspiratorial glance before innocently inquiring from Bastila how she had been captured. The sight of the flustered young Jedi who had to admit she had temporarily misplaced her lightsaber had Shin biting her lip not to laugh.

Had it been Mission, she would have told Carth to behave. But with the Jedi princess... she joined in.

"Maybe losing lightsabers is a side-effect of her Battle Meditation," she suggested.

The boyish grin Carth shot her behind Bastila's back took years off his face and made him so handsome Shin felt... tingly. Just like...

They did not talk about it. But it had happened. And she was happy about it. She couldn't remember any other men, so in a way it was her first time. And she was fiercely happy that it was with the man she had learned to appreciate on so many levels. A man who had learned to trust her – if only in some things. She knew he still had his issues about trusting anyone, and didn't delude herself about the level of his trust but they could work on that. 

She was startled out of her reverie by a Twi'lek who informed her that Canderous Ordo wanted to meet her.

"Isn't that the Mandalorian working for Davik Kang we've heard so much about?" she asked Carth, who simply nodded before voicing the question also in Shin's head.

"Why would the pet merc of a local Exchange boss want to meet with you?"

"Only one way to find out. Besides, we need to visit Javyar's cantina anyway. I have a bounty to collect."

"A _bounty_?" Bastila was obviously shocked.

"That's how justice works here," Carth explained. "The government offers bounties on the criminals they can't apprehend. And we need the credits."

"I see."

\- - -

Shin could only come up with one word when looking at the Mandalorian: power. He was taller and more muscular than Carth, his grey hair and scarred face made it difficult to determine his age but she figured he was older as well. 

His posture spoke of strength and experience. A true warrior. And he went straight to the point. He wanted to get off Taris. and he needed Shin's help to achieve that. The plan was simple: steal the Sith launch codes from the base, and steal a ship from Davik Kang.

One thing bothered Shin, though. "What do you need me for?"

"I'm too well known as Davik's man to get away with breaking into the Sith base," the Mandalorian explained. 

"I see. And how are _we_ supposed to achieve that?"

"Davik ordered an astrodroid that will be capable of getting through the door. After that, it's up to you."

"And after we have the codes?"

"Then I'll tell you the rest of the plan." Canderous grinned, and Shin couldn't help but answer with a smile of her own.

"Naturally," she conceded.

\- - -

"I sense no deception from him, which is surprising. This might be what we were looking for," Bastila said.

Shin fought down the urge to say 'no shit' like a kid, and ignored the Jedi completely, instead she turned her worrying eyes on Carth. He had fought in the Mandalorian Wars, after all.

"I hope you won't find it uncomfortable working with a Mandalorian."

He looked surprised at her concern. 

"I... no. I can work with him. Just don't ask me to trust him-" He smiled, only a little, but Shin felt happy that he could joke about his trust issues.

"So. Let's go steal a droid and break into a Sith base!"

She could have sworn she heard Bastila mutter 'oh joy' behind her.

\- - -

"Why can't I come along?" Mission was not really whiny, just wistful.

Carth opened his mouth but Shin silenced him with a frown. If he said something sweet, caring, and so very patronising, Mission would be in a huff for hours.

"Because we can't all go," she explained. "I'll need the T3 unit. Bastila's not coming," she said, knowing that would make the Twi'lek happier. 

Funny enough, the Jedi rubbed her the wrong way, too. Bastila tried so hard to be older than her age – even though she still had the impulse to act like a teenager which Mission seemed to bring out. 

"What?" This was news to the Jedi.

"Look, I'm breaking into a Sith Base. I need someone on my side I know I can count on. No offence, but I have fought with Carth. I know what he's capable of. I know we work well together. You, I haven't seen in action. And I can't risk this missi... sorry, Mission, this job to be an adjustment exercise."

\- - -

The T3 unit proved to be quite handy in battle as well. It saved their asses a couple of times. The whole thing was pretty straight forward, really. Go in and shoot everyone that tried to stop them. 

She had considered sneaking in (again) but the thrill of the battle took over, and she found she was throwing herself into the fight whole-heartedly. This shouldn't be her – she was a smuggler not a soldier! But it was becoming quite obvious she'd had some extensive fight training in the past, and she was drawing on those skills unconsciously. 

Shin thought it weird that this time meeting a dark Jedi didn't bother her; she knew she – they – could take him. And they did.

But not without much pain. The Sith governor was attacking them with the Force as well as his weapon, and it was impossible to keep her distance. Carth was using his two blasters with deadly accuracy from the doorway, as was the little droid, and Shin knew it fell on her to keep their target moving and prevent him from getting to melee range. 

She abandoned her blasters and released the Echani brand from the holster on her back, and tried to summon the skills she knew she possessed somewhere in her muscle memory.

She was working on pure instinct, seemingly blocking blows without being aware they were coming, and using her body to distract the man from his own manoeuvres – while trying to avoid getting hit by her own team mates. 

Then she saw an opening, took it... and her weapon was lodged inside the Sith's chest, stuck, but he was still alive, still attacking... he couldn't move his blade arm properly, the strike had damaged his upper body too badly. His other had was holding Shin as a shield so that the others had to stop firing. With desperate strength Shin grabbed his arm with both hands and forced the deadly beam of his vibroblade towards his own body... burying it in his chest. The superior look the man had worn turned to incredulous as his grip on Shin loosened and he started falling to the floor.

Shin had killed many people in this new life of hers but had never had to see it so close. Meeting the eyes of the dying man, watching them as the light faded... she felt a sense of connection, a familiarity that frightened her. Surely, _surely_ she had never _enjoyed_ killing?

She kicked the body away and staggered backwards until she met a wall, then simply slid down to sit on the floor, and wrapped her arms around her knees, hugging them close. 

"Shin? Shin! You all right?"

Carth was there, crouching next to her, touching her cold hand... She couldn't stop shivering, so he sat down and held her close.

"It's all right, everything's going to be all right," he kept whispering until she calmed down.

"I felt... good, watching him die," she finally whispered. "Like I'd done that a lot. Like I'd... I'd... been good at it. Like I'd... liked doing it. What kind of monster am I? I've been wanting to know who I was but now... now I'm not so sure."

Carth forced her to look into his eyes before talking with a quiet but forceful tone: "Whoever – whatever – you were, you are not that person _now_. You would not be affected by this if you were a monster."

\- - -

Only after she had stopped shivering did Carth let go and then went to find the launch codes in the Sith governor's pocket. Shin was glad she didn't need to touch his corpse. 

She wasn't sure how to feel about the weapon Carth had pulled out of the dead man, and cleaned on his robes. Part of her wanted to leave it behind, to never touch it again. Another part knew that, being a second-hand weapon, this was not likely to be its first kill. 

And she was so good at using it. The skill might save her – or her friends – one day. She couldn't really afford to be squeamish. 

She accepted the offered weapon without a word. She holstered her blasters, and exited the room, holding the brand.

She was a soldier now. Time to accept the blood that came with the job.


	9. Explosive Goodbyes

This time no one questioned Shin's decision to take only Carth with her when she left to the meeting with Canderous Ordo. Bastila merely shrugged and said, "easier to explain than a Jedi. Or a Wookiee. And you can't go alone."

She had refrained from commenting.

"We will likely be leaving in a hurry, so... be prepared. I'm not sure what kind of signal we can send but, what ever happens, under no circumstances _do not leave this room_ unless you have absolute proof that we are dead. We'll have no way of finding you, or contacting you otherwise." Carth was looking at every member of the team in the eye one by one as he tried to drill it into their heads. 

"Yes, sir," Mission muttered but with no real resentment in her voice, so Carth grinned at her, and remarked, "Hey, I like the sound of that."

Mission stuck her tongue out before playfully saluting him. He returned the salute, in his best parade pose, and got a laugh from the girl. 

It made him inordinately happy to see the girl was starting to accept him, maybe even like him. Of course, now that she had Bastila to resent...

"Good luck," the Twi'lek said, hugging Shin quickly, and shooting a warm smile at Carth. 

\- - -

Canderous Ordo took them to Davik Kang's estate where the man himself showed them around the place, trying to convince Shin (of the Mysterious Stranger fame) to join his operation. During the guided tour they were also shown his 'baby,' the Ebon Hawk. The ship they were supposed to steal.

Davik very purposefully told them the ship was protected by security codes. 

After the tour the three of them were escorted to a 'guest room' and told they could only leave it to visit the slave quarters, for the time it took Davik to run a check on Shin.

After the crime lord and his entourage had left, Shin took in the lush beds and laughed, turning to look at Carth.

"Well, I'm glad we're not back at the hideout arguing over sleeping arrangements with the others."

Carth thought about it. Three beds. Bastila would complain. He wondered whether she'd ask about the previous nights' arrangements, saw the same thought hit Shin at the same time, and turned away to hide his discomfort.

Canderous seemed uninterested in the exchange, unceremoniously lying down on one of the beds. Shin dug up her stealth unit and walked to the door. "I'll be right back!"

She was out before either man had a chance to say anything.

\- - -

Shin had been gone for an hour. Carth kept shooting glances at Canderous who was still lying on the bed, eyes open, seemingly relaxed. He couldn't quite find it in him to start a conversation. What would he say to a one-time enemy whose army had killed so many of his comrades?

So he did what he did in these circumstances: he paced. Canderous would occasionally make a sarcastic comment but he refrained from answering. 

Then, finally, the door slid open but no one seemed to come through until Shin shimmered into view.

"Come on, guys, I'll need your help. Try not to attract attention."

She had discovered a prisoner who was being tortured. Canderous grumbled but helped the Republics defeat the guard droids. It paid off – the prisoner was an ex-pilot of the Hawk and rewarded them with its access codes.

"See? It pays to be nice every now and then." Shin smiled at the Mandalorian sweetly, and Carth felt something painful stab his side.

Oh no. No. He was just worrying about her. That was all. And, and, manly pride. Yes. They had slept together, after all, and he didn't like feeling like he'd been replaced. That was _all_. 

"Are you okay, Carth? You look... pained."

"Huh? No, I'm fine. Let's go."

\- - -

It just figured that nothing would be easy. While they were making their way towards the hangar, the whole building was suddenly shaking with explosions. 

"The Sith! They're bombarding the city!" 

Carth would know, he had had to experience something like this before. Was Malak really willing to attack the whole city just to get to Bastila? With all their troops still down here? Shin shuddered, unable to understand such callousness, such darkness. 

"We have to hurry," Canderous was saying while working to open the hangar doors... just to be met by a sight of his former employer and another of his pet mercs, Calo Nord, when they made it through. 

The building falling apart around them added interesting flavour to the match. It was impossible to find cover, and moving was dangerous due to falling debris. Shin abandoned her brand, and got her blasters out – no way was she going to get close to those two. 

Carth had their grenades, and she could see him utilising them from the corner of her eye. She concentrated on shooting at the merc, figuring he was the more dangerous of the two. Luckily, the Sith were making the other side's life equally difficult. 

Suddenly there was a loud crash, and the roof was falling in just where the two were standing, the bits and pieces flying as far as the door, and Shin was pushed to the floor by a hard mass of... Carth. He was protecting her with his own body, then helping her up. Part of her wanted to yell at him for taking foolish risks for her – she could look after herself. Part of her was touched.

No time to think about that now, they were rushing towards the ship through the disintegrating building. No time for delays, either, but Shin couldn't help but stop at the broken body of Davik, visible under the rubble. His armour would come in handy, and she also removed the visor that looked modified... anything she could grab. Calo's body was hidden from view, and she didn't even try to dig him up. His armour might be booby trapped, anyway. 

Someone was yelling at her to get a move on, so she did, and before she knew it they were on their way. No time to explore through their new acquisition. Carth sat on the pilot's chair, and Shin found herself in the cannon tower, trying to figure it out very quickly. Presumably she had known how to do this, before. She just hoped it would come back to her like her fighting skills had.

A quick detour by the apartment building, and then they were racing through the collapsing buildings into space, and through the Sith blockade... five to six fighters at their tail. First one blew up with a satisfying light show and she could see Carth was trying to fly so that her job was as easy as possible. She basically just needed to pull the trigger when the Sith made another attack. Thanks, flyboy. 

Then she felt the familiar jump to hyperspace, and her task was over. She joined the command team in the cockpit, met Carth's grin with one of her own, and had to stop herself from giving him a congratulatory hug. He might not be comfortable with that.

"Where are we heading?" she asked, and Bastila was the one who answered.

"Dantooine. We can find shelter at the Jedi enclave. And the Council can help you with... the visions."

"Dreams," she corrected, distractedly. Her instincts were telling her to keep moving but she couldn't deny the wisdom in Bastila's suggestion either, so she silenced the little voice in her head.

Bastila excused herself to go meditate, and Shin looked at her retreating back before smiling at Carth. "Well, we did it."

She got a slow grin in return. "We sure did."

\- - -

Shin left Carth to pilot duty then started exploring the ship. She went through the supplies and found secret compartments pretty much where she'd expected to. It was obvious Ebon Hawk was a smuggling vessel. Unfortunately she lacked the proper codes. With time she would very likely be able to hack her way in but that would most likely destroy the contents. 

She decided it wasn't worth it and moved on. She stopped for a while to check on everyone – even the droid who repaid her attention with a programming spike. 

She found Zaalbar as unresponsive as he'd been on Taris, and decided – again – not to push it. Life debt or no he was still entitled to his secrets. Canderous was more verbose. 

It was funny how everyone managed to scatter around the ship. The Mandalorian was situated close to the exit ramp – as if ready to leave at moment's notice. Probably the soldier in him.

The man intrigued her. They hadn't had much time for discussion and she saw no reason for him to stick around after they'd reached Dantooine, and it almost saddened her. She sensed hidden depths in the seasoned warrior and would have liked to get to know him.

She stopped with him for long enough to share a drink, and listen to some of his war stories. It was horrifying and fascinating at the same time to hear about the Mandalorian war from 'the other side.' She did wonder about her own strong identification with the Republic sometimes, even with her past and her lack of recollection of it, but yet there it was. For her, Mandalorians were 'the other side.'

It was hard to consider Canderous an enemy, though. Not that she'd turn her back at him. 

After leaving him she went to find Mission, and finally located her in the farthest corner, sitting on the floor in the crew quarters.

"You think they'll destroy Taris with the bombing?" she asked with a quiet voice when Shin entered the room.

"I don't know," she replied, closing her eyes and thinking about the city. It was an ugly place with so much misery... but still they had found goodness, courage, and friendship there.

It saddened her to think about their hideaway being destroyed.

"I don't know," she repeated. "I'm sorry."

"Well, it wasn't much of a place, really." The girl was trying to put a brave face on it but Shin knew it was mostly just bravado. You can hate your home but it's still your home.

Shin needed to learn more about her brother. She didn't think he sounded like a very reliable guy but he was all Mission had left in the galaxy besides Zaalbar, and Shin wanted to find him for her, if at all possible. 

The more she learned about Griff the less hopeful she was, though. 

"Wanna play some pazaak?" she asked, knowing it would cheer the girl up – and, hey, she was never adverse to a game or five herself.

They ended up playing dozens of hands before she laughingly threw her hands up in surrender.

The inspection round over she found herself heading back towards the cockpit. Carth. She wanted peace, so she went to him.

"Hey, mind some company?"

His smile said 'no,' so she sat in the co-pilot's seat.

"We need to work some kind of shift schedule for this. I wonder how many of our little group can handle the ship..."

"Well, I'm fine for now." Silence. "Don't mind the company, though."

They were both quiet for a long time, staring at the space ahead, then Carth cleared his throat, and started to speak, a little awkwardly.

"You know I find it hard to... trust people."

Shin fought back her impulse to say 'duh!' and nodded.

"Well... One of the ships bombing Taris... was Leviathan. Saul Karath's ship."

"Should I know the name?"

"Yes, you should. Admiral Karath taught me everything I know about being a soldier. He was a legend in the Republic fleet, and a hero to me. Until he betrayed us. He's now commanding Sith troops under Darth Malak."

Shin swallowed, staring at him, horrified.

"Before he defected... he came to me. I didn't realise it at the time but he was obviously trying to... make me go with him. I couldn't conceive of it, of him – him of all people! – betraying the Republic. Maybe if I had... if I'd told someone, done something to stop him... Because he didn't just go to the Sith. He gave them the codes to by-pass Telos' defences. When the Sith fleet came, I knew instantly what had happened, and vowed to kill Saul. I've hated him with passion for years."

Again he struggled for words.

"I should apologise to you. I've become so accustomed to expecting the worst in others, and you've done nothing to deserve that. But... I trusted him... believed in him... and if I could be so wrong about him... I admit, I have... tried to keep you out because I can't be betrayed like that again. I won't survive it. I know it's not fair... to you, to anyone, but... But that's how it is."

"Your family... they died, didn't they?"

"We were... too late. I found my wife bleeding. I held her... when she died. And to this day I don't know what happened to my son. I looked for him for years, until I... stopped. I stopped. And now... I live to avenge them, to kill Saul."

"I'm sorry," she choked out. It felt so inadequate. She couldn't imagine worse pain than not knowing the fate of your child. She couldn't blame him for finding it hard to trust anyone, in the face of that history. And she found it hurt very much to look at this man in pain.

And, she had to admit to herself, it felt like a dagger to the gut to realise he might never be able to trust her, not really, not fully, and not with his self.

 


	10. Unknown Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shuffle up quite a bit of the action on Dantooine. Still following the story of the game, and the bits of dialogue are there, I just change the order a bit.

Shin slept badly on her first night aboard the Ebon Hawk. She missed Carth's warmth but there was no way she could justify asking for his company now – not only was there enough room for every one of them but he had opted not to sleep but to keep an eye on the flight controls on his own. 

She slept through their landing. Her dreams were vivid and disturbing, leaving her drained and confused. Dark, ominous place... violence... Bastila?

She encountered no one in the ship but when she ventured out Carth was waiting for her next to the exit ramp.

"Wow, you look horrible," he exclaimed.

"Gee, thanks, Captain," she muttered.

"No offence but you look like you've seen a ghost. You're the second person to look like that today, actually. Bastila left only a moment ago, looking like you do. Are you all right?"

"No, I... Yes, I suppose. I had a weird dream."

"Hey, having witnessed some of your nightmares, I can't blame you for being shaken."

She frowned and he explained. "You're a restless sleeper, Shin Cidon, and, trust me, one can tell when you're having disturbing dreams."

She felt flustered at the casual reference to their shared nights, and quickly asked about the others.

"Well, Bastila went to talk to the Council... Wait, here she comes."

"The Council wants to meet you," Bastila told Shin without pleasantries.

"What? Why?"

"You had a dream. I had the same one. We shared it. I don't understand it, so they need to determine the meaning behind it."

"Wait, how do you know we shared a dream?"

"I'm a Jedi," she said as if it explained all. Maybe it did.

"I'll join you in a moment," Shin said, and the other woman left.

She stood with Carth, looking at Bastila's retreating back.

"Wow," Carth said. "The Jedi Council. Why do they...?"

"I don't know, Carth. I'll tell you though, I have a bad feeling about this."

After that she went back to the Hawk to clean up, and Carth followed Bastila.

\- - -

Carth was waiting outside the Council chamber when Shin appeared, looking more composed than she had previously. She still looked apprehensive, and he had to fight down the sudden urge to hug her. They didn't _have_ that sort of a relationship. 

"I'm sure it'll be fine," he offered lamely but she smiled gratefully in return, and after a deep breath entered the room.

She was only gone for a couple of minutes before walking out and giving him another smile, this one without a trace of humour. 

"They want to meditate on it."

"The whole shared dream-thing?"

"Yeah. They wouldn't really tell me much. Come on, let's go look around."

He followed her out to explore the place. Just the two of them, like the first days in Taris. There wasn't much to see, as they weren't permitted to leave the enclave. Couple of stores, Jedi, and a rude padawan who thought Shin was a Jedi as well.

"What do these people see or sense in me that I don't?" she asked from Carth who couldn't really offer any enlightenment, not being Force-sensitive himself. He just knew there was _something_ about her that set her apart from everyone else – he'd always known that. At first it had made him suspicious but now he was willing to put it down to his attraction to her. 

They found Zaalbar eating his second breakfast and Mission joined them, bored with watching him do it. Her chatter put an end to the tranquil closeness Carth had been enjoying with Shin but it was still peaceful, even pleasant. 

Their peace was interrupted when an older Twi'lek woman hailed Mission who bristled.

"Lena!"

\- - -

Shin looked at the "big-breasted, table-dancing, brother-stealing cantina-rat" as she told her story and couldn't help but believe her. What would Lena gain by lying, anyway? What she told about Griff's behaviour fitted into the picture Shin had formed of Mission's brother. 

Mission was still defending him, to Lena, and, after she'd left, to them. Shin found she couldn't state her opinion as forcefully as she'd have liked when meeting the pleading – young – gaze of the blue-skinned girl. 

"Yes, of course we'll go look for him in Tatooine as soon as we can."

Mission ran into Ebon Hawk to lick her wounds and Shin met Carth's understanding gaze.

"What was I supposed to say?" she asked helplessly, then grinned as her sense of humour raised its wicked head. "After all, he taught her all the useful skills..."

"Pick-pocketing, lock-hacking..." he listed with an answering grin.

Bastila chose that moment to appear and inform them that the Council was ready for Shin.

Carth was again forbidden to enter the room but Shin asked him to stay and wait for her outside. He represented normalcy for her in this foreign place.

\- - - 

Carth ended up waiting for a long time before Shin finally appeared, looking shell-shocked. Bastila was following her, trying to say something but she silenced her with a quick hand gesture.

Shin met Carth's concerned eyes.

"They want me to become a Jedi."

He could feel his mouth hanging open, and closed it with a snap before raising his eyes off her face to meet Bastila's eyes but the Jedi avoided looking at him. He turned back to the shorter woman and read the plea of help in her dark eyes. 

Gently he guided her out of the building, and into a secluded spot on the yard they had discovered earlier.

\- - -

"No offence, beautiful, but aren't you a bit old?" Carth asked, as they sat down in the shade.

"Are you really rude enough to ask my age?" she tried to joke and he rewarded her efforts with a dazzling smile.

"So what if I am?"

Her face clouded. "27 is the best estimate."

He frowned.

"Memory loss, remember?" she said, smiling wanly.

"But surely there were records..."

"Smuggler here, there were no documents revealing my real name in the vessel."

"Real name?" He frowned again.

Now her smile was sad. "'Shin Cidon' is a mythical figure around that part of the galaxy. It means 'unknown warrior'. I doubt it's a name my parents gave me."

His face showed his effort to come to grips with everything she had lost but her mind was already back at the original subject. "So, yes, I'm about 25 years too old. They are mumbling something about my 'strong dormant Force abilities' and shortage of the Jedi but I can't help feeling that they're hiding something."

"The Jedi? Hiding something? Well, I never."

She almost laughed at that.

"I think they know more about this mysterious connection between me and Bastila than they let on, too."

"Well... Are you going to do it?" Carth's question made her sober up.

"I... something in me is forcing me to. I could help people so much better... Besides, I've _always_ wanted a lightsaber!"


	11. Training Montage

It was weird time, Shin's training. All of Ebon Hawk's assorted crew stuck around. Maybe they all felt it – that there was a mission waiting, a time when they would be needed. An honourable challenge for Canderous. A chance for Zaalbar to make good of his promise. And Mission... she would stay with Big Z and the woman she had learned to love like a big sister. Carth? He didn't know himself.

He should have returned to the front lines, to fight the Sith. But he felt needed here. It was to him Shin turned when the training proved too much and she needed to play hooky for an hour or two. She seemed to need his help, his presence, for reasons he couldn't quite understand but wasn't ready to consider too deeply.

They were fast becoming friends and not just two people fate had thrown together and who stuck together for survival. He told himself he had forgotten how her skin felt like against his. How she looked when... Forgotten.

Besides, she was a Jedi now, and everyone in the Fleet knew the Jedi were off limits.

\- - -

Shin drew strength from Carth for her work. The solid presence of someone so un-Jedi-like helped her deal with the half-truths and evasions she encountered daily. 

Her relationship with Bastila had changed. The younger woman was less arrogant and not so irritating here. She was a real help in Shin's rushed training – but the ex-smuggler still struggled with accepting the alleged bond. True, it could help when trying to grasp some subtle point of a lightsaber form but she felt uncomfortable with having her in her head, and was glad she seemed to have strong natural barriers that could usually keep Bastila out of her mind. Sleep was the only time she couldn't control them, and they shared a few more unnerving dreams. 

It was weird, but so was the whole training. Sometimes Shin felt the same about the Force as she had about fighting. Things forgotten being re-learned... but that could not be, right? Had the Masters in the Council been easier to approach she might have shared her thoughts with them. As things were... she didn't trust Bastila enough, yet, nor did she trust the bond she couldn't fully control. 

In the end, she talked to Carth.

"You know, I've been watching you," he began, then turned away, flustered. "Not ogling or anything, you know, following your progress," he hastened to explain, and Shin laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. But I mean... I compare you to these padawans, and... Your movements are more graceful than theirs. You learn so much faster than them... Who knows, maybe you were in training before you got bored and decided the life of a free trader was more your style. Maybe, if we went to Coruscant, we would find you listed in their archives..."

"That... doesn't sound implausible. It would explain so much! Thank you, Carth. Thank you for not telling me I'm going crazy or imagining things."

"Hey, you still could be," he said, grinning. "I'm just saying that there's a lot you don't remember, and some of it is obviously fight training. We don't know when or how you got it but no reason to be apprehensive of it – you use it like you'd use any resources."

"Yes, sir, thank you, sir!" 

"Ha ha. Ready for more training?"

She groaned. "Guess I got to. I should meet Bastila for some lightsaber training. Which will interest me more when they give me an actual saber instead of the training one."

\- - -

After the session with Bastila Shin retreated into the tiny garden and found a corner to meditate in but found it impossible to concentrate. She followed the traditional teachings and repeated the Jedi Code in her mind, hoping it would help her find her calm centre. "There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no chaos; there is harmony. There is no death; there is the Force." No emotion, peace; no passion, serenity... That's how she always thought about her night with Carth; not passion but peace...

Flustered that her thoughts had once again turned to him when she was trying to empty her mind she jumped up, and went in search of company to distract her.

All of the crew still slept in the Hawk. They had been offered rooms in the Enclave but everyone except Bastila had decided to stay in the ship instead – all for their own reasons. Shin knew she'd find company there.

It didn't really surprise her that Carth was the first person she encountered, approaching the ship.

"How did it go?" he asked, kindly.

She made a so-so sign with her hand then grinned wickedly. "I can't concentrate on meditating, want to run away with me?" 

"You'd be punished for disobedience, Padawan," he said, grinning.

"Not even a damn Padawan yet," she corrected, pouting.

He laughed at her petulant expression, and they boarded the ship side by side, only to be met by an interesting sight: Zaalbar was tweaking T3 with instruments that looked tiny in his huge paws.

\- - -

"What are you doing?" Shin asked, and got an answer in both Shyriwook and droid.

Carth looked at her for translation that was not forthcoming, she just nodded her approval. They had reached the next room before she noticed his look.

"Zaalbar wishes I am not upset even if he uses his free time enhancing the droid's performance."

"Why would you be upset?" Carth frowned.

Shin smiled suddenly with a radiance she seldom had these days and Carth nearly missed her response, getting lost in it. 

"He seems to be of the opinion that since I stole it, it's mine."

"Does the same apply to the Ebon Hawk, then?" Carth asked, amused.

"Well, I suppose we need to fight it out with Canderous," she replied, grinning, and they were both startled when the gruff Mandalorian appeared as if out of nowhere.

"Fight what out with me?"

"The ownership of the Hawk," Shin explained, recovering quickly.

Canderous raised his hands, palms facing her in the universal gesture of surrender and laughed.

"All yours, baby. I've had my ass kicked by the Jedi once already."

"What, not up for a rematch?" she teased.

As Carth saw the sweet smile aimed at another man he felt the more and more familiar stabbing pain in his side. No. 

Canderous went wherever he had been going, and Shin looked worryingly at Carth's face. 

"What's wrong? Is it the remainder of the war?" she asked, concerned.

"What? Oh no, no... I..." 

Well, not the way she meant, anyway. It was that smile. The memories of the nights they'd spent outside, under the stars, sharing stories by fire. Every night found the ragtag group that had escaped Taris together by the side of the ship that had become their home. Even Bastila joined them, on occasion. It was the memory of her rapt expression when listening to Canderous' war stories...

True, she paid as much attention to Mission's stories of her adventures, so maybe... 

"I'm fine, don't worry," he finished, realising she was still waiting for his explanation.

"So, what would you like to do since we can't run away?" he asked, trying to distract her from the worry he still could read on her face.

She smiled at him, probably realising what he was doing and not caring. The moment she opened her mouth to talk they were interrupted by Bastila clearing her throat.

Shin groaned, and bent her head so that it brushed Carth's arm. "Caught," she muttered, and he patted her arm compassionately.

\- - -

"The Masters think you're ready for testing," Bastila declared without preliminaries, and Shin could only stare at her incredulously.

"Ready? I can't even concentrate on meditating! I'm all antsy."

"Really?" Bastila raised her eyebrow inquiringly. "You seem perfectly calm now."

As she spoke Shin realised it was true. Carth always affected her so. He seemed to be the peace she couldn't find in her solitary meditations. She met his eyes and hoped her smile conveyed some of this to him.

His answering smile was partly sad and partly proud – but she didn't know whether that was directed at himself or at her for reaching this point.

She turned to follow Bastila, and Carth called "Good luck" after her.

"There is no luck..." Bastila started to say.

"...just my incredible skill," Shin finished for her, just loud enough for Carth to hear so that it was the comforting sound of his laughter that followed her outside.


	12. Saber of Her Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Shin in Davik's armour](http://nikichidon.deviantart.com/art/Shin-Cidon-86146257), drawn years ago.

Reciting the Jedi Code was easy. Shin had meditated on its meaning often enough to answer Master Zhar's questions easily. 

Even building her own lightsaber felt simple, apparently the hours spent reading technical manuals paid off. It was still surreal – until that moment, despite her growing control of the Force, she had felt like she was only playing at being a Jedi. Somehow this made it feel more real.

When she first held the finished weapon in her hand and gazed at its yellow glow she felt a sense of rightness so strong she knew all her hard work had been worth it, and had no doubts about whether she belonged here or not.

A yellow crystal, the sign of a Jedi Sentinel. "For those who cannot decide whether they're fish or fowl" as one Padawan had put it but she felt confident it was a right path for her, at least for now. The colour though... 

She couldn't stop testing the weapon, switching it on and off repeatedly, admiring its sound, and the graceful arc it made in the dim corridor. She laughed out loud, again feeling like a child playing a Jedi. She ran outside, still laughing, wanting to share the feeling with Carth, Mission, even Bastila.

"Looking like a Jedi," Carth said, smiling the smile Shin just knew he'd used with his son. 

For once she didn't care, she knew she was acting like a youngling.

\- - -

By the time Shin faced the Council to get her final test she had calmed down. Her left hand still rested on the weapon on her belt, though, as if it would disappear if she let go for a second.

Again she got the feeling the Jedi of the Council left things out in their explanations as they directed her towards a place tainted with the dark side. Of course, in this situation, it was probably part of the test.

For this, she was allowed to leave the confines of the Enclave, and even to take company. Finally! She knew her companions were getting a little stir-crazy. Now, who should she take? Carth, obviously. Mission? In the end she decided to take Canderous. He was bound to feel a little cooped up and she had heard rumours of Mandalorian raiders...

She burst out in laughter when she saw them. Carth and Canderous were scowling at each other – both of them had managed to choose a similar armour from the Hawk's stores, and were glowing golden in the sun.

"My royal guard," she got out, choking in laughter.

"Hey, Shin, we got something for you!" Mission appeared from the ship, dragging Zaalbar behind her.

Without ceremony, the Wookiee handed her an armour that shined purple when the light hit it. Mission was chattering away about how Zaalbar had reworked Davik's personal armour to fit her – not a mean feat seeing that she was half his size. 

"Thank you," she said, smiling, and instantly tried it on.

Bastila had been exasperated at Shin's reluctance to wear robes like the other students even if she wasn't allowed Padawan robes yet, and she didn't see herself wearing those even when she could. She felt naked without her armour and concentrated hard to hone her awakening Force abilities so that they would not be hindered by the use of personal armour as she knew Bastila's were.

She now made a few mocking turns in the yard, modelling her new look before sobering up and heading towards the gate with her 'royal guard.'

\- - - 

Having been restricted to the area of the Enclave for so long it didn't really come as a surprise to Carth that Shin wanted to explore the place a little before heading to the 'tainted grove.'

So again he got to admire Shin at work, talking to the locals, listening to their worries, accepting their missions – to find an errant droid, to avenge a dead daughter... A Twi'lek Jedi told her about a dangerous cave where she might be able to find rare crystals for her lightsaber, and another older Jedi gave further hints about her job at the grove.

Almost instantly outside the inhabited area they encountered their first wildlife, and after that it felt like they fought kath hounds every five minutes. It was interesting to see Shin working her lightsaber, and occasionally getting frustrated and abandoning it in favour of her blasters. 

So interesting, in fact, that Carth forgot to pay attention to what he was doing and took a bad bite as a punishment. He fell, but took the beast with him with a blaster shot to its neck.

"Carth!" Shin's voice was full of concern.

"Was sloppy," he muttered, getting up. "I'll be fine."

"Show me," she demanded, and as he presented the cut to her he felt a weird tingling sensation run through his hand. Warm, soft... healing. 

He could only stare, incredulous, as the torn skin was healed, and the pain disappeared. He raised his questioning gaze to Shin's face. She shrugged.

"Been practising."

"Wow. Force healing?" he asked. "How does it work?"

"It's like... Like getting in touch with the Force in and around you, telling the injured part to draw strength from the universe itself, from the Force twirling all around us. Or something like that. Half of what I do is not conscious. I just know what needs to be done, and – ask – the Force to help. Never tried that particular adaptation of it yet."

"Well, thank you, in any case," he got out, looking at his companion in a new way now.

He had _known_ she was practising to be a Jedi, seen her levitate objects with the power of her thoughts, witnessed her play with her sabre... but this finally brought it home. She was a Jedi. She could do what Bastila and the other Jedi could. She could master the Force, and make the world respond in a way he could only dream about – see the world in a way he could only marvel at.

She grinned at him, as if reading his mind, (Surely she couldn't do _that_?) as if trying to remind him that it was still her, still the same woman he'd come to know and l... like, despite the new skills she'd learned.

\- - - 

They ran into some Mandalorian raiders, too. Canderous was disgusted.

"This is what we have been reduced to. Mercenaries, bandits... thugs. Ganging up with Rodians and other dregs of the galaxy, terrorising farmers... We lost our purpose and direction when Revan defeated us."

"We have to come back when we're finished with this test, and find the leader of this little gang. At least we can stop them from terrorising these farmers," Shin said, and Canderous agreed. 

He had no qualms in taking down his own when they sunk this low. But he reminded that these would not be the only ones they'd likely run into.

"You'll find many groups like this on other planets. Scattered... Lost."

\- - - 

They finally made it to the grove, and found the reason for the taint – a young alien padawan who froze Carth and Canderous, leaving Shin to face her alone.

The girl was good, fighting furiously, hitting Shin with her sabre with desperate strength. Shin wasn't that confident in her sabre handling but the many hours of practice with Bastila paid off in her ability to block the strikes.

She fought back with sneakiness, answering a sabre blow with a kick, and drew on every Force-related skill she had learned, time and again sending the girl away from her with what felt like a push with the Force. 

Finally the girl was beaten, and expected the final blow to end her life. Shin switched off her sabre and shook her head.

"I'm not here to kill you."

"But... I've fallen to the dark side. I struck down my master. I am beyond redemption."

"No one's beyond redemption..." she made the pause a question.

"Juhani," the young woman offered, and Shin smiled.

Juhani seemed like a sulky child, revelling in her naughtiness, and Shin had to remind herself that this was really serious. The young woman was really strong, and a real threat – one wrong word and they would be in the middle of a fight again, and this time it might not end before one of them was dead.

"Juhani, you are a talented, beautiful young woman, with all your life in front of you. The Jedi won't let one mistake made in the heat of the moment destroy all that for you, waste all that potential."

"What could I do? Surely I will be punished, exiled..."

"If you go to the Council, show them that you have let go of your anger, show them that you truly understand your actions and take responsibility for them... It takes strength to admit your mistakes, and take responsibility for your actions. I believe the Council will understand – and forgive."

Shin let the words roll of her tongue, playing to the subtle clues on her face and stance. She _did_ believe that Juhani could be saved, that she would make a good Jedi one day. She _did_ believe the Jedi would take her back – or they would go against everything they taught. Still, the words were used for certain effect, and she used all her rhetorical skills to say just the things the young woman needed to hear, to persuade her to believe her.

She succeeded. Juhani switched off her lightsaber, and met Shin's gaze with new determination.

"Even with my darkness I couldn't defeat you. You are so strong, so sure in your convictions... I will go back. And maybe one day... I can be as strong as you."

"Don't go back for that. Go back because you believe in what I say."

"I do. I still have much to learn about controlling my emotions. But now I believe I can do so. Thank you..." It was her turn to turn the hesitation into a question.

"Shin Cidon," she said, smiling. "You will be a fine Jedi one day, Juhani. It takes courage to beat the darkness inside yourself."


	13. Her Own Path

Saving Juhani from the darkness gave Shin her place in the Order but she felt awkward, listening to the Council's ceremonious words. They'd meditate on her current position. Well, she'd never.

She wasn't going to sit around waiting for their decision, though. There was much to be done. The Mandalorian leader, the family dispute between the Sandals and the Matales threatening to turn into war (the Council seemed happy to ignore)... and she wanted to find the cave the twi'lek had mentioned.

\- - -

After they had located the leader of the Mandalorians, Shin directed Mission (with a new tricked up blaster rifle she had purchased that morning) and Carth behind cover to give them supporting fire, and took Zaalbar and Canderous with her to engage the enemy in melee combat.

She herself attacked the leader with her lightsaber, protected by a personal shield against the blaster fire of his men. She was more than grateful for the covering fire her allies provided – the man was a tougher opponent than Juhani. She found herself fighting with everything she had – desperate arcs with her sabre and everything she could make the Force do for her.

They won. 

Shin was so exhausted it took half an hour for her to collect enough energy to heal herself, and those of her allies who had suffered injuries. She was getting better at the healing thing now that there was a real need for it.

But healing Canderous or even Mission lacked the _connection_ she felt when healing Carth. She decided not to think about it at the moment but meditate on its meaning later. 

After thinking that she couldn't help but marvel at how Jedi-like her thought processes had become. She wasn't sure she liked it.

\- - -

Looting the corpses of their fallen enemy felt like nothing after Taris, but to her horror Shin discovered many lightsabers on the Mandalorian leader's body. So the Jedi had not ignored the threat – they had just not succeeded in stopping it.

She picked up one of the them and tested it for balance. Then she took her own lightsaber in her right hand and the other one on her left, and moved them around experimentally. They felt... good. She could work with them. It wasn't quite like using two blasters but some of that experience obviously helped because she did not feel as clumsy as she had when she first tried using her left hand for shooting.

The new sabre was green. It didn't feel any better than her own yellow. She was supposedly following the path of the Jedi Sentinel, and should be proud to show it with her crystal colour but... it didn't feel right. 

"Well, that was the raiders taken care of," she said, smiling to her friends. "Now to the cave. Any volunteers?"

\- - -

It was surprisingly easy to locate the cave – it seemed to call for Shin, like a beacon in the Force, whispering to her in sounds not quite language. 

The kinrath that lived there did not prove much of a challenge for Shin and her companions, but she was careful not to damage their eggs. She still did not like killing, and killing unborn beings – even knowing they would grow up to these beings that attacked anything in the vicinity – just did not feel right.

The cave was filled with crystalline structures that seemed to vibrate with the Force, and she knew they would do _something_ when added to a lightsaber. She carefully extracted bits of every crystal. Her problem with the colour was also solved when she encountered a purple crystal. She'd fashion sable crystals out of that; she felt no other power in it – it would only affect the colour of the beam. Conceit? Maybe, but she didn't feel comfortable with her current colour.

She wasn't comfortable with everything the Jedi believed in, either, and sometimes worried that that was a sign of darkness in her. Maybe this small act of rebellion was the first step on a road to the dark side? Somehow, that didn't feel true either. But she counted on Vrook to tell her if it was so. The man was darkly pessimistic about her chances as it was.

\- - -

"You did _what_?" Bastila wasn't screaming. She never screamed. And if she happened to raise her voice a little, well. That was only expected when this green padawan was offering her rare crystals for her sabre. 

Shin was handing them out like candy. For her, for Juhani – and it was obvious her own sabre... sabres were already enhanced.

"I... thank you," she muttered, and selected two crystals to work into her double-blade.

"The Council has a task for you – for us," she then said, and gestured the older woman to follow her to the Council chambers.

\- - -

Shin walked slowly towards the Council. She saw Master Zhar's eyes stop on her belt where she had clipped both the sabres in, and switched them both on, as if for his inspection.

"So very like you, padawan, to choose your own path," Master Vandar said, no censure in his voice for the colour she now carried. 

"The place in the dream you shared with Bastila has been recognised as the ancient ruins not far from the Enclave. We had assumed they were not important but apparently Revan and Malak entered them at some point of their career and discovered... something. Something dark, judging from the mood of the vision."

"We believe that we can find a way to stop Malak only by following their footsteps," Vrook joined in on Vandar's explanation.

"You and Bastila must search the ruins. You can take anyone you wish with you."

\- - -

So. Finally they would be visiting the place Shin had seen in a dream (vision?) all those months ago. 

Only Carth had decided to join the two Jedi on their expedition. Shin realised he shared her sense of foreboding when he muttered "I have a bad feeling about this" as they got closer to the ruins. Bastila, however, pressed on, and they followed.

\- - -

"It's... beautiful," Shin whispered, looking at the thing the ancient guard droid had called a Star Map.

"It's filled with dark power!" Bastila said, accusingly.

"It's still beautiful," Carth defended Shin, who seemed transfixed by the sight.

"It started here..." she whispered.

She understood what she had seen in the vision now; Revan and Malak had not fallen, not fully, until entering this room, seeing this sight, and... following it to wherever it pointed. She now believed it really had been a vision, somehow triggered by the strong impression the two had left on the planet – in the Force around the place.

She had heard about Revan and Malak – the heroes who became the enemy – until she'd felt sick. She really liked Carth's attitude the best: a blaster shot to the head in time would have solved the problem.

This place made the thing more real, somehow. Instead of storybook villains the two felt... closer, somehow. They had once been Jedi knights, standing in this place, awed by this sight, and been driven to the path of darkness...

The path that led them to a war against the Republic, taking many of their comrades with them, to the final act of betrayal that made the apprentice turn on his master, which allowed the Jedi to defeat Revan.

The path Master Vrook was afraid Shin would also follow.

Shin looked at Bastila, then let her eyes rest on Carth. No. Not as long as these two were by her side.

\- - -

It did not really surprise Shin that the Council wanted to send their ragtag group to look for the remaining Star Maps on the other planets Revan and Malak visited, to try to locate the mysterious Star Forge in the hopes that that would help them defeat Malak and his seemingly endless fleet of Sith. It felt inevitable.

She had ambivalent feelings about Juhani's presence. The girl looked up to her to keep her in the path of light, and she wasn't sure she was up to that.

Bastila would be watching _her_. Canderous, unsurprisingly, joined in – he was just thrilled at having something worthwhile to do. 'Big Z' and Mission came as a package. But Carth...

Carth seemed subdued, and it didn't take much prodding to get the reason out of him. 

"You're a neophyte padawan, saddled with finding the Star Maps... Don't they have to train you?" 

"If you don't want me along..."

"I'm worried about you, dammit! You're good, I give you that... but... you've just started with this Jedi thing... I mean, I understand why they send Bastila, Canderous... and I've been a soldier as long as you've been alive!"

Shin bit her lip to not laugh. "You started early, then."

That made Carth finally let go of his righteous anger and chuckle, too. "So that was a slight exaggeration. But you get my point."

"Yes. And I appreciate having someone worry about me. But for some reason the council feels like I must do this. And I'm... I feel like I should do this. I'll be glad if you decide to join us."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," came the weary reply but he followed it with a small smile.

Shin smiled back. Now she was looking forward to this journey.

\- - - - end of Part 1 - - - -


End file.
